Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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