pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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