I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
