Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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