At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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