Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
