my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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