Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
