Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
