There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
