so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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