Nicole vs. Life
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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