Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
