My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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