it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
