he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize