Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
