you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
