i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
