I think I just saw someone hide a body.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
