That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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