I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
