Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
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