If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.