Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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