I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
