i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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