i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
