I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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