Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
