My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I cut my penus on the lid.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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