you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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