i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
