I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
