Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
