Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
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