Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(847): View more from Illinois

I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.

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(425): View more from Washington

You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!

(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.

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(616): View more from Michigan

at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n

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(519): View more from Ontario

Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.

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(408): View more from California

I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.

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