listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
