so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
