Ketchup is God's man juice
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
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Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
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Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
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