He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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