This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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