your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
