I just made out with a guy for $7.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize
