Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
