i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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