I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I fill condoms, not promises.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
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