so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
