I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
