i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
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