Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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