i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
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I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
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Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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