Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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