hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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