i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
