good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize