I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
