...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0