I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Slut skills are useful in every country.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.