as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n