Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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