I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
