The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
