How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
