genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
