i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
