i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
