So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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