Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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