My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
