I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
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