Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
