The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
