I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
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Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
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I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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