what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
time to smoke my breakfast
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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