I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
