oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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