The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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